Having anxiety is tough. Having anxiety as a parent is awful. I am so proud to say I have worked through and continue to work through my anxiety, and have been able to survive without anti-anxiety medication for almost 8 years now (woohoo!). But man did I-and still do-put in the work to keep myself that way.
Being a teacher caused me to have anxiety. It was a trigger. It is just an overwhelming list of tasks that truly cannot ever be completed. For someone with my personality, it was debilitating to learn that I cannot, not would I, ever cross every item off of my list. Unless I drained myself physically and mentally-which did happen-the list will never be completed. Hence my mental transition when it came to my job. I am now a firm believer in the phrase “I work to live, I don’t live to work.” Never again will I find myself in that position because of something like a job, even though it is easy to fall there without even realizing it.
Then I became a mom. My anxiety was relatively at bay, and then the hospital nurses, doctors, staff sent me home and trusted me with this little human. In the beginning, there were lots of questions (thanks Mom for answering most of them), but then I got in my groove. I got this. Second kid? No big deal. Third? It’s a little shaky but I’m managing. My anxiety, however, takes a hit with each new milestone.
Someone diagnosed with any anxiety disorder knows that they will have to mentally put on that armor to do everyday tasks. Even when they are “Mom tasks”. But that doesn’t mean it goes away entirely.
I still worry about my kids overnight; periodically checking the monitors throughout the evening. I still pray that they are safe at night. I still get nervous when we have to make a trip to the doctor. I still lose it from time to time; succumbing to the irritability that is a repercussion of anxiety. I still lose sleep over the things I did or didn’t do that day.
But everyday I show up.
I’m all in when it comes to my kids and I will do everything I can to be the best mom to them. Adding that extra layer of anxiety makes it a little more challenging to complete my daily mission, but I am managing. Just like every other parent out there suiting up in their daily mental armor. I see you.
So while parenting is difficult, there is an extra layer of difficulty in there when you factor in anxiety. But it’s doable. Just know that although you will have to bring your game everyday, the rewards of watching your kids laugh, cuddling you at night, saying “I love you more”…that outweighs the preparation tenfold. Keep on keeping on all you anxious parents out there. We do this for our kids and we can keep on marching everyday!
