Having brought home two new babies after my oldest was born, I have learned a little about what works best when bringing home a new baby to meet his/her siblings.
When you have your first child and bring him/her home, you think there is no love like this. You think you will never, could never, have another baby because 100% of the love you are able to give is given to that child. How could you possibly love another baby? These exact thoughts ran through my head when I was pregnant with my second child. How could I possibly have room in my heart for another baby to love? As it turns out, something weird happens-your heart just expands, adding room to love. It’s not that you love your first born any less, but you are given a bigger heart so that you can love another baby equally as much. It’s unbelievable. Your heart just keeps growing with every new baby you bring home.
In addition to worrying about how I could, if I could, love another baby, I also had the worry of how to bring another baby home while still ensuring my littles at home that they are loved. A new baby is not a replacement child or a child to “do right what you think you did wrong the first time”. Let me tell you- those littles at home notice. They notice if all you talk about is the new baby. They notice if you are so hyper-focused on the nursery, or prepping for the new baby. Slowly, they start to retreat into their shells, and the last thing you want is for your littles at home to think they are less than the new baby coming in.
When I was pregnant with my second child, we talked about the new baby all the time with my son, but we included him in our conversations. We let him ask questions and made it exciting that a new baby was joining our family. We let him guess if the baby was a boy or a girl, we let him feel for baby kicks, we let him look at ultrasound photos and showed him where the baby’s head was, etc. By the time my daughter showed up, he was beyond excited for the new baby to arrive! We did the exact same thing when I was pregnant with my third child. It was even better because my son and my daughter could talk together about the new baby.
Bringing a new baby home is a transition for sure. We had just gotten our son on a solid sleep routine -transitioning him to a toddler bed at 18 months because we needed the crib-when we were to be bringing home our second child. Of course I panicked about things. What if the baby cries all the time and wakes him up all night? What if I can’t handle bedtime routines for both babies when my husband is at work and I’m solo? Lots of thoughts flashed through my mind. However, when we brought my daughter home, everything just kind of worked out. Thankfully, ensuring my son had a solid sleep routine prior to the new baby was a life saver! Sure, my daughter cried and fussed during the night, but that is something we talked about with my son prior to her arrival. He knew to expect crying and that it is okay and she is safe. When she cried a lot at his bedtime, he was so used to his routine that it didn’t bother him at all.
When we brought our third child home, it was an adjustment, but by that time our kids were so used to us talking about the baby together that they were just full of excitement. When I FaceTimed my kids from the hospital room my son’s first words were “Hey! The baby is out of your belly now!”.
As it turns out, all that worry and stress about bringing new babies into the family was not necessary. For us, all our kids wanted was to be included. I think that by including them in all of our conversations about the new baby, by letting them help with washing baby clothes or setting up the nursery, and by ensuring they were on a solid sleep routine prior to bringing the baby home, helped in alleviating stress and jealousy between our kids. We made a (mostly) seamless transition to expanding our family.
